Thursday, January 29, 2009


So, i have been in an on and off relationship for a little over 2 1/2 years. We all know on and off relationships are bad. This is def. my first love, some may say it's stupid of me to be in a relationship like this when i am only 19 years old. True, i think it's stupid of me too. I have experienced so much with this dude.. I have turned down so many good guys for him. He's the one person i can have so much anger towards but yet will always run back to. I have tried so hard to stay away from him but i'm just not myself without him. I usually don't forgive people easily but with him i obviously forgiven him over and over again after so much pain he had me put me through. Anyways, here's something my friend had sent me a while back during a break up i had with my man. I was just browsing through my email inbox and thought i would post this up to share with everybody. In my oponion this pretty much made alot of sense..

Possession. Sometimes we hold on to relationships simply because we don't want the other person to be with someone else. For some strange reason, we feel as though we have some false sense of possession over that person, and them being with someone else would make us feel like someone else has something that belongs to us. This is a very selfish reason to keep someone in your life. It is misleading and trifling, let your mate move on and find someone who truly loves them and wants to be with them wholeheartedly.

Convenience. Sometimes, we hold on to relationships simply because we've gotten comfortable. It's not that either party is truly happy with the relationship, but more than likely both parties have been together so long that they just settle for unhappiness. He knows her, she knows him, they've met one another's family, and everyone knows them as "blank & blank". Although, both parties may sometimes fantasize about a happier relationship, the thought of having to leave their "comfort zone" and adjust to another person seems like too much work. The thought of having to readjust is so overwhelming that they eventually get married and spend many more years unhappy. Life is too short to spend it with someone who doesn't adore you. Everyone deserves someone who can love and accept them past their flaws. If you are in this category, you must realize that temporary discomfort can cause you a lifetime of pain. Get up and get out!

Fear. Some people stay in relationships because they are dominated and manipulated by the other party. Whether it be that someone has been threatened of violent repercussions for leaving the relationship or made to feel that they can't survive without the other party, many people are in unhealthy relationships because of fear. The best way to overcome this fear is to face it.

Wanting to belong. Sometimes, many people find themselves in relationships simply because they don't want to be alone. Most people that are in this category jump from one relationship to the next in search of something that they will never find until they come to the realization that they need to spend time with themselves to learn and grow as an individual. If you are in this category, you need to know that you should never allow a man or a woman to validate you. Value your worth and holdfast. In the words of 'Madea', "shut up and wait!"

Ignorant. Yes, there are a few individuals who are in relationships because they are just stupid. Their bf/gf can cheat on them with their mom, cousin, sister, or dad and they will stay together. Some of these individuals even allow mistresses to move in and share the mate.

Love. Yes, there are some people who are in relationships because they are truly in love and adore their mate. They enjoy spending time with each other and think about their mate at least 5-7 times per day. Individuals in this category aren't in the relationship for "show" or for monetary gain. These individuals have genuine love and concern for their mates. If you are in this category, you are blessed to have found someone who loves you for you. Encourage others around you to do the same.


NIC-KIA said...

I love this post! I can definitely relate to "possession" I broke up with my ex in June met another guy a week later. Tho Ive moved on I cant stand the site of him with another girl. Just yesterday i was on facebook and saw him "in a realtionship" Ughhhh!! Im almost gagged! I dont wanna him BUT i dont want ANYONE else to have him either! Especially some chick named "Rosa!"

kathyw009 said...
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kathyw009 said...
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kathyw009 said...

Good post. However, all this is just still another person's opinion. It truly comes down to how you feel about this person. From my view, if you love this person then you must accept this person for who he is. I know that you must have something that he had learned to accept also,and that is why you two are still getting back; theres just that connection. I was extremely insecure about myself, i dont have the perfect body, i dont have the cutest face, im bitchy most of the time, but he still wantes to be with me. I stick to my man because he makes me feel so good about myself even though sometime i don't feel worthy. He piss you off, but im pretty sure you piss him off sometime too. It's ok, this stuff happens. Love is pain and pain is love. Just take it as an adventure. I wouldn't want to be in a happy realtionship all the time, it's boring.I hope things will work out for you two, it's a new year so, just hope for the best.Good Luck girl.

gee-ya said...

i definitely can relate to your post.. i've been with my bf for more than 3yrs and he has cheated on me, made me cry and all that drama but we're still together.. blinded by love????